iPhone 3G S: "Hi, my name is sucker."

"Hi, my name is Jamie, and I'm an iPhone 3G owner."

"Hi, Jamie!"

The group watches me suspiciously. Their programmed response is just that: programmed, no more sincere than my desire to be here. Standing in front of them, I feel naked, as if all my sins and defects have been exposed for everyone to see. They know the score, and I do too. Several of the people sitting in front of me are iPhone 2G owners and their glares cut through me like a finger swiping across the iPhone's brilliant TFT screen.

Months ago, I would have been an outcast amongst this group. Their grudging acceptance of me is rife with silent accusations. You see, months ago I was looking down at them and laughing, and they were looking up at me and scowling. Once proud to call themselves 'early adopters,' now they take pride in sharing their ordeal with others in the same boat. I recognize a face or two, probably from the news. Triumphant as they held their iPhones – some of the first purchased – high in the air on June 29, 2007, outside the Apple Store in Manhattan. Only to find out, a year later, that Big Brother Apple had forgotten about them.

I share their pain. Once counting myself lucky that the iPhone wasn't available in Canada until Rogers Communications began selling the 3G last summer (otherwise, I'd probably own a 2g), today I join the movement of technology mavens who are inevitably penalized for taking the plunge. You see, this week Apple announced the iPhone 3G S and the minute they did so, I too became a statistic. The new iPhone offers features which make my current 3G seem old and shoddy.

The added ‘S’ stands for ‘speed.’ My 3G's sluggish performance seems more pronounced this week, considering the 3G S offers a new processor – 600 MHz vs. the 2G's and 3G's lowly 412 MHz CPU – double the system RAM – 256 MB in the 3G S versus 128 MB – and a new graphics processor in the PowerVR SGX chip, which supports OpenGL ES 2.0. The 2G and 3G only support OpenGL ES 1.1; simply put, games on the new iPhone will look better and perform better. Add to this that the iPhone 3G S offers more memory – 32 GB in the premium model – and my miniscule 8 GB chokes back an inferior tear.

Other features drive the last nails into my gadget-laden coffin. The new camera sports autofocus, auto white balance and 3.0 megapixels (the first two are absent from the 2G and 3G, and both earlier models have a 2.0 megapixel camera). The new phone comes with video recording and editing (although this feature has long been available to anyone with the intestinal fortitude to jailbreak their 2G or 3G). Data speeds have been doubled from 3.6 Mbps to 7.2 Mbps, and the iPhone 3G S even comes with a magnetic compass. The new battery provides longer voice and data time, and the unit even boasts that it's waterproof and has a "fingerprint-resistant oleophobic coating."

Just to make us 2G and 3G owners feel even more left-out, holding down the home button on the 3G S takes you to a voice control interface, although features like this may find their way into iPhone's OS 3.0, which Apple will be making available sometime in the next month - probably in unison with the 3G S release date (June 18th in the U.S. and August for the rest of the free world).

With pricing similar to the 3G when it became available – contract pricing of $199 for 16GB and $299 for 32GB and *choke* $99 for 8GB – the new iPhone 3G S will undoubtedly suck in a whole new set of tech mavens.

My only advice to the 'late adopters?' Enjoy it while you can. And when you’re done enjoying it, there's a seat here, waiting for you. All you'll have to do is stand up and admit that you, too, are a child of the relentless recursiveness of modern technology.

PSPgo a No-Go

Applauding companies like Sony for introducing better gadgets is akin to applauding police officers for catching the bad guys. They may have earned an A for achievement, but at the end of the day they're just doing their jobs.

Conversely, when they don't do their jobs it's time to let them hear about it, and the new PSPgo by Sony Computer Entertainment is worthy of loud objection.

The successor to the PSP-3000 was unveiled last week at E3, amidst a great deal of speculation about Sony's response to its main competitors in the handheld gaming market, the Nintendo DS/DSi and Apple iPhone. After a modest amount of oohing and ahhing, media outlets are now waking up to an aromatic bubbling that may smell like coffee and even look like coffee.

But it isn't coffee. What it is, in fact, is a decaffeinated version of what should have been the next-gen of mobile gaming; but no amount of sugar could sweeten what is clearly the bittersweet evolution of a device that had every opportunity to take back a market Sony once dominated.

At first blush, there appears to be much to wow about. The size – approximately that of an iPhone or iPod Touch – is compact and pocket-friendly: practically speaking, something the first generation of PSPs never were. Its weight - 40% lighter than its predecessor – is also laudable. The sleek form factor and sliding display – revealing the familiar PlayStation controls – are what one would expect, considering the device was engineered by Sony and considering that Sony desperately needs to keep pace with the competition.

So what happened on the way from R to D? Much. First glances reveal the glaring omission of a second analog joystick, something which PSP users have been screaming for since they tried playing a port of any game that had moved from console to PSP. Instead, the Select and Start buttons adorn what appears to be a design originally intended for a second stick. My guess is that Sony intended to implement a second stick and due to the cost for whatever reason chose to ham-handedly slap oversized buttons there instead. Buttons which seem uncomfortably close to the playing area, considering that Select is also the Pause button.

Volume control has been relegated to the top of the device, out of the direct line of sight. This change is undoubtedly meant for when the device is closed and capable of playing audio and video and not much else. It would have been helpful to fill the gap above the stick/buttons with additional volume controls, but I'm not going to nitpick here. It's a minor grudge.

As expected, Sony has done away with its proprietary optical disc, the Universal Media Disc, or UMD. As stated in a prior post, I'm not particularly disappointed by this, but it does signify the death of the UMD and means that anyone who wishes to upgrade to the new PSP will have to take advantage of a limited-time offer by Sony to have their discs transposed onto memory stick. Whether anyone will take advantage of this remains to be seen. Replacing the UMD will be a hefty 16 GB of memory, something Sony was expected to do as they ramp up their direct download service (via PlayStation Network).

What's troubling about this new device is the lack of a mini USB port. Sony has replaced the USB with a proprietary port which, a la iPhone/iPod, provides a data connection and power supply. Effectively, this renders obsolete all accessories for prior PSPs and ensures that you'll have to shell-out for new PSPgo accessories. Note that the GPS and Keyboard accessories for the PSP – which never quite made it to North America – are included in that list of obsolete items.

Finally, there's the price tag. Sony has never been accused of giving anything away, and it seems a little ludicrous that the current PSP is at the same price point as the Nintendo Wii and base XBox 360. But the PSPgo is entering the market at an MSRP of $249 - $50 more than the current PSP. Consider that the PSPgo does not offer any new functionality - it's just a slimmer PSP with a redesigned form factor, no UMD and no USB - and you may begin to understand why media outlets are beginning to smell something.

Allow me to reiterate: it's not coffee.

PSP, We Hardly Knew Ye.

When Sony Computer Entertainment launched the PlayStation Portable (PSP) in late 2005, I (felt like I) was the first to salivate over the device, which at the time appeared to be the Holy Grail of handheld gaming. Having been bitten before, however (Atari Lynx, DreamCast, need I say more?), I bit the bullet and continued to salivate over the colorful TV ads, living vicariously through my 50” HDTV. Refusing to shell out $200+ for a device that might end up on my Wall of Shame, next to the Lynx, the DreamCast and the Atari 7800.

After Sony released the PSP-2000, however, I took the plunge. The price had come down, into the more reasonable sub-$200 price range; and I even knew the first game I would purchase.

Being an IT consultant, my advice to clients planning on purchasing systems is always this: buy the software first. By that, I mean if you don’t know what software you’ll be installing on your new system, how could you possibly know your required system specs? The principle is similar when considering a game system. For instance, I didn't get my XBox 360 until I discovered a 'must-have' app - Halo 3.

Taking my own advice, I chose my first must-have game, God of War: Chains of Olympus. As luck would have it, Sony had just introduced a GoW red PSP-2000 game bundle, so (for me) it was a no-brainer.

Unpacking the unit and getting started was akin to a religious experience. The brilliant 480x272 TFT screen with its 16.7 million colors was everything the television ads promised. The device was lighter than the black PSP-1000, which was a mixed blessing. On one hand, it was less imposing and its presence during gameplay less noticeable; on the other hand, it felt less sturdy and bricklike, making it seem fragile. You see, even though I hadn’t purchased one until then, my frequent trips to FutureShop were incomplete unless I stopped by the PSP display and admired it, a two-year long ritual that led to my purchase.

I ignored the weight issue, though. It’s the price of progress and the bright red PSP, complete with a silkscreen image of Kratos on the back of the unit, made up for it. Besides, the game itself was astounding, and every bit deserving of the awards showered upon it. Although I miss the extra analog joystick that I came to expect with the PlayStation brand, games that are designed specifically for the PSP – meaning, not direct ports – make the omission forgivable.

Subsequent games that were on my must-have list were almost as enjoyable: Ratchet and Clank: Size Matters, Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror and Syphon Filter: Logan’s Shadow, and Daxter. All games worthy of purchasing a system for the sake of the software. After the ‘A’ list, however, the titles trail off dramatically, and while I’ve played numerous – too many to count – games on my PSP, it has been collecting dust for the past 6 months, awaiting a title worthy of a much-needed recharge.

I don’t want to knock Sony. I think the PSP is a phenomenal piece of technology, and certainly ahead of its time (at the time). But an oft-discussed lack of new games, the advent of the iPhone and a slew of new devices with multi-touch screens have left the poor PSP in a rather tenuous position. SCE has been vocal in its view on a lack of titles stemming from PSP piracy, but I tend to reject arguments like this because we’ve heard it all before with other systems, like the PC, for instance, and piracy has had little effect on PC game sales and the dearth of titles still being released. Since the PSP hardware has seen healthy sales since its inception and relatively healthy software sales, I don’t buy that piracy alone has shuttered development.

PSP2 - coming or GOing?
Recent rumors have abounded about a next generation PSP 2 or PSP Go! and while I’m intrigued by the fan-created concept art (such as the image to the right) which has swept the Internet, I’m a little concerned by reports that Sony will scrap the Universal Media Drive, or UMD. Never a huge fan of the discs, I still believe the PSP has to have roots in the outside world – outside of direct downloads only, as Sony is purported to be pushing. The UMD was a slick idea at the time, but today they seem kinda kitschy. I own twenty or so of the proprietary discs and would like to have the option of using them on the next generation PSP.

Perhaps Sony didn’t do a great job of marketing the discs, as they do offer some versatility. While the concept never took off like Sony undoubtedly envisioned, movies on UMD are an interesting idea and I’m not convinced that it should be scrapped. Considering that my only two UMD movies – Superbad and The Family Guy – weren’t purchases, I suppose I have to concede Sony’s point, though.

If I seem to be waffling, it’s for good reason. I just don’t know. It appears that we won’t have to wait long, however, as Sony is expected to announce its new system in June. While no one should expect those other rumors about a PSP phone coming true, I would bet good money that the next PSP will have me salivating once again. Hopefully the announcement will mark a renaissance for a device which sits faithfully beside me, waiting for a charge that may never come - if I like what I see in the new device.