Idol all done, the people cheered

In a surprising turn of events, last night's American Idol finale didn't suck was worth the price of admission.

The two hour show – with a whole three minutes reserved for the actual results – was replete with shockers - notwithstanding Kris Allen, who proved the judges wrong. Earlier in the season, the judges, led by Simon Cowell, crowned Adam Lambert and cheekily pronouncing him king (or, if you're Kara DioGuardi, God).

But the 22 year old Allen had something to say about it, and so apparently did America. Allen being the newest teen heartthrob, it's appropriate that all those young girls had twitchy phone fingers. Parents everywhere are going to cringe when they get their cell phone bills from AT&T.

For anyone who didn't catch it, there were nearly 100 million votes cast in the finale, a world record according to the accounting guy who appeared at the end of the show carrying an envelope. As if that would bring credibility to the whole thing. No one, including Ryan Seacrest, acknowledged the oddity of a show which averages 22 million viewers per episode getting nearly 100 million votes; but as if Idol's roots are in Cook county, no one ever said you can't vote multiple times.

Update: Nielsen reports that last night's finale was amongst the least-watched of the 8 American Idol finales, at 28.84 million viewers).

Good for Kris. There's absolutely nothing to dislike about the guy, and I don't think anyone doubts that Lambert will land on his feet. Which brings us to the biggest shocker of the night.

KISS. That's right, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley and…that other guy. With Peter Criss and Ace Frehley long gone (as if anyone cares), the band still rocks it out and still looks great in the makeup. A perfect choice to pair with the nonhuman voice that brews in Lambert's chest, we were in shock and awe as it all played out. KISS. There, I said it again. I'm still flabbergasted that the producers managed to get the iconic band on stage for the performance, but it didn't stop there.

Queen. Rod Stewart. The Black Eyed Peas. Lionel Richie. Keith Urban. The list went on as mega artists past and present performed on stage with the show's finalists. It was a finale worthy of the most watched show in America, and perhaps appropriate, as I believe this was the swan song for the show's 8 year run. Yes, Ryan assured us that Idol will be back in January to net a whole 'nother billion dollars for Rupert Murdoch's NewsCorp, but I for one won't be watching, and if recent reports are any indication, the show's peaked and will soon find its place amongst the honored dead.

I'm going to predict that next season will be Idol's last, that Simon Cowell will be gone when his contract expires in 2010, and that Paula Abdul won't claw her way back onto the Billboard charts. At least one of those predictions is guaranteed to come true; care to guess which one?

Oh yeah: I finally found something redeeming about Kara DioGuardi, and it wasn't her singing voice.

American Idol: America gets it right (sort of), & judges get it way wrong

American Idol narrowed it down to two last night. Fox's license to print money megahit reported 88 million votes from Americans wanting to have a say in who goes on and who stays behind to clean up the pile of junk sitting on the floor between Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell. Reportedly, it was Paula's mess of empty coke Coke containers, mascara bombs and love/hate notes between Paula and the inimitable Cowell. Not-so-reportedly, it was Danny Gokey who got the call to clean up the uncomfortable memories of PaulaCowell's antics.

Danny Gokey's gone, and I'm sad about that, but I'm not about to say that America got it wrong. He's talented; there's no arguing that. But what makes him interesting is his story. Four weeks before his audition last year, Danny's wife Sophia, his high school sweetheart, died on the operating table undergoing surgery for a congenital heart defect. Needless to say, the producers at American Idol milked that one for all it's worth, but eventually even Idol producers have to move on and focus on what the show's supposed to be about. Bags upon bags of cash. Talent. The young Gokey, a devout Christian who regularly leads his church in prayer in Milwaukee, WI, came down on the negative side of America's judgment, and it's probably the best thing that ever happened to him.

American Idol's track record ain't stellar. The show's seven winners – Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks and David Cook – have arguably had a mixed bag of success, with only a couple of those names really taking off and having significant careers. Don't get me wrong. It's still a pretty good track record, but the idea of the show was to take a barometer reading of America by having them vote by phone. Theoretically, if twenty or thirty million people care enough to pick up the phone and vote for one person multiple times in any given week, then twenty or thirty million should want to buy that person's album, right?

But a few names are missing. Jennifer Hudson, Chris Daughtry, Clay Aiken, Kimberly Locke, Diana DeGarmo, Josh Gracin, and so-on. Former contestants who got booted early or ended up as runner-up, they all went on to have pretty decent careers despite America's itchy and questionable (remember Sanjaya Malakar?) phone fingers. Of the list above, Jennifer Hudson is easily the most successful, with a Grammy and an Oscar to her name. Not bad for someone who was the seventh runner-up in the third season of American Idol.

So I don't think Danny has to worry. His gravelly voice and his compelling story pretty much guarantee him some sort of success, and given the track record of those who have gone on to win the whole ball of wax, I'd rather see him avoid the Curse of Idol and get ousted early.

But the judges are another story. What sometimes seems to be poorly-choreographed tension between Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell has turned into an uncomfortable exchange of egos. DioGuardi, who takes all her leads from Randy Jackson, has proven to be a bad addition to an already ill-conceived cast of characters. Normally, I might find their exchanges interesting, but the arguing and petty beefs now seem to overshadow what should matter: the talent. In so many instances that's it's impossible to count them this season, the judges have wasted their time bickering instead of doing what they're supposed to do. Provide critical analysis of the performers standing nervously in front of them. It's tough enough for these kids without having to stand there with everything exposed, while watching the inexplicable antics (like Paula giving Simon a pack of crayons).

As I stated in previous posts, I think it's time for this show to end, and I won't miss it. I can always get downloads of Simon from Britain's Got Talent.

Idol dirty. Need soap.

It's 7 AM and I'm already working on my third cup of coffee. My mind's been working overtime, mostly trying to figure out the specifics of my next novel. It will be a sequel to the one I just completed (called Distortions, it's my fourth novel), but I don't want to write anything until I've gotten a better sense that Distortions will be published. It's a little frustrating, since my ideas are rampant and way cool. If I ever do write this sequel, it will rock the block, I'm sure of it.

But I digress. This is a follow-up to yesterday's post, '(Almost) Done with American Idol.' Seems I was off-base in my prediction of the final results, but I was on-base with my thoughts on the gratuitous on-the-fly revising of the show's rules. If Ryan Seacrest said it once, he said it at least three times, by my count. 'These are random results.' (I'm paraphrasing).

In other words, Kris Allen, who was returned to safety first, wasn't the top vote-getter. No huge surprise there. As I stated yesterday, at this point talented singers will have to go home; so I shouldn't have been surprised that Allison Iraheta was the one to go. I suppose 'disappointed' is more appropriate, because who doesn't want to see a 17 year old step onto the train to stardom? It's a nice story, but nice stories don't sell and someone had to go. In other words, no big surprises last night, not even Ryan Seacrest's repeated stressing of randomness. An obvious and expected ploy, to try to inject some drama into the show. Really, producers?

American Idol is the perfect candidate for the next hit daytime soap. Seriously, the contrived plots and preposterous cast of characters are ripe for a Daytime Emmy. Randy Jackson as the loveable yet goofy protagonist; Kara DioGuardi as the conniving yet innefectual temptress; Paula Abdul as the (dare I say it?) blonde bimbo saddled with dialogue crafted by four monkeys, two typewriters and a mime; and (of course) Simon Cowell as the moustache-twirling villain. Notice I didn't mention Seacrest. In the aforementioned soap, he'll be replaced mid-season by David Hasselhoff; and within two years - after falling down an elevator shaft - his diminutive Seacrestiness will be revived in the form of an evil twin, played with aplomb by Zac Efron.

The next General Hospital? Or is Days of Our Lives more in-line? You tell me. I'll even propose a name for the show. American Suicidol. Okay, it's not sexy, but let me remind you of paragraph 1, sentence 1. I'm only on my third coffee. Geez.

So Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert are safe, but the feeble tension that remained after Ryan Seacrest's 'random' results should still leave us with that unsettling feeling. You know, the one that begins in the pit of your stomach after too many chili cheese fries. The unsettling feeling that this season still has two more episodes. TWO more!

I really, REALLY hope that the rumored tantrums by DioGuardi and reported hints that this will be Simon Cowell's last season are true. First, because I don't like DioGuardi, not even one bit; and second, because although I like Cowell and his acerbic honesty, his departure should signify the show's timely demise.

Regardless, I do believe I'm done with the show, after I force myself to see this season to conclusion.

(Almost) done with American Idol

Last night, the producers at American Idol managed to do it again.

Piss me off.

As if the unashamed plugs for AT&T, Apple, Coke and Ford haven't been enough to drive most of us to click over to Dancing with the Stars, the 'reality' show (see what I did? I used the term loosely) further insulted anyone with a brain by changing the rules in mid-air. Yet again. No, I'm not referring to the shocking format change of pairing-up the final four for duets, although I have my thoughts about that. The crime committed by the producers of the show has been so prevalent throughout 8 seasons that it befuddles me how they've gotten away with it for so long.

First, the order of the final four contestants, combined with interspersed duets (one by Danny and Kris, one by Adam and Allison) seemed as crooked as a three dollar bill. In case you were off-planet last week and missed the big shocker, Adam Lambert, rocker extraordinaire, found himself in the bottom two, in what arguably was the biggest surprise in the mega show's eight year run. The looks on the judge's faces said it all. Whaaaaa? I was shocked, too. But I think the order of last night's performances shocked me more.

In the past, Ryan Seacrest has occasionally mentioned the show's 'rules,' but I don't imagine the accounting firm of Price Waterhouse Coopers has a briefcase handcuffed to someone's hand somewhere. Having seen nearly every episode of American Idol over eight seasons, I imagine the rules to be more inline with Drew Carey and a great big glitzy wheel. Oh yeah, and Idol producers pushing a button where they want the ShowCase wheel to stop.

In case you didn't see it, Adam Lambert came out first, performing Led Zeppelin's 'Whole Lotta Love.' The way the judges oozed all over his performance was embarrassing. Kara DioGuardi's uncomfortable gushing had me reaching for the remote, but mercifully, her repeated shouting of Yes!' ended (but not until she managed to extoll that Lambert is a 'rock god').

Next came Allison Iraheta, who was in fine form as she rocked out Janis Joplin's 'Cry Baby.' Why, oh why, was I able to predict that the judges wouldn't like her performance? If there was any doubt, that sad and tired cliche from Randy confirmed it when he started his critique with a sigh, saying, 'Y'know, dog...' You can fill in the blanks, for that's what they were. Blanks.

Duet Number One - Danny Gokey and Kris Allen performing Styx's 'Renegade' - was super, but I was a little put-off by the break in performances. It seemed awfully pat that the producers wouldn't have the final four contestants each perform solo first, and then have the duets. But I'm giving away the ending. Even though the two finalists rocked it out, the judges were predictably unmoved by Kris, and they managed to provide a few kudos to Danny. In the one thing Jackson, DioGuardi, Abdul, Cowell and I agreed upon, they did love the harmonies.

When Kris Allen came right back and performed the Beatles' 'Come Together,' I cringed a bit. I didn't think it was the right song for the teen heartthrob, and yes, the judges agreed with me again. But things were starting to get a little strange. Especially considering last week's outcome, the order of the singers was beginning to feel awfully contrived. The judges' comments were clearly biased towards last week's shocking bottom two finalist Adam Lambert. I was beginning to hear the voices again. The voices of the show's producers, who value the almighty dollar over everything else. Something wasn't right.

I was thrilled when Danny Gokey performed Aerosmith's 'Dream On.' Perfect song for the gravelly-voiced Gokey, and even though that note at the end challenged even Steven Tyler, I felt Gokey could do it. Surprise, surprise, the judges were lukewarm at best. If Tyler himself had come out and performed the song, I think the results would have been the same. Randy Jackson sighed and used 'dog' gratuitously; Kara DioGuardi was intolerable; Paula Abdul was her typically nonsensical self with halted speech and indiscernable comments about Gokey; and Simon Cowell? Well, he just said it all. 'You'll still be safe tomorrow.' Yes! There it was. The final clue I'd been looking for. Typically, Simon promising that someone will be safe marks their untimely departure from the show. If I had a chalkboard and a better understanding of Chaos Theory, I'd explain it to you. But his placement of the comment was not only suspicious, it was deliberate.

The producers had spoken, and if there was any doubt, the bookend of the show was Adam Lambert (remember him? The guy everyone said would be in the final two and win it all? The guy who was nearly eliminated last week?) If the producers had their way, Lambert would have been performing a duet alone, providing both parts of the harmony. But they stomped their feet and grudgingly allowed Allison Iraheta on stage while the two performed Foghat's 'Slow Ride.' Monotonous and eponymous, the song choice - or the performances for that matter - didn't matter. The judges gushed like the Old Faithful they were meant to be. No way they were going to let Adam Lambert go early. No way, no how.

I like Adam Lambert. What I don't like is being made the fool, and over eight seasons, that's just what the producers of American Idol have managed to do. Making fools of the viewers and voters. Changing rules arbitrarily. Being obvious in who they think should be in the finals. If you doubt me, look at Jennifer Hudson. Believe me, they don't want another embarrassment like that.

Tonight, we may very well see Danny Gokey go, although I personally believe it will be Kris Allen. Allison and Adam are most likely safe. It's true that at this point in the competition, talented singers are going to have to go. But after last night's travesty, it may very well mean the wrong talented singer will go. Frankly, my interest is already waning, like the show's luster. Last night, my fiancee reminded me that the only reason she watches the show is because I want to, and that she lost interest a long time ago. I wonder how many other people have gotten wise to the show's bias?

I truly believe this may be my last season watching American Idol. Don't gasp. I'm not. It's more like a slow, painful wheeze.