(Almost) done with American Idol

Last night, the producers at American Idol managed to do it again.

Piss me off.

As if the unashamed plugs for AT&T, Apple, Coke and Ford haven't been enough to drive most of us to click over to Dancing with the Stars, the 'reality' show (see what I did? I used the term loosely) further insulted anyone with a brain by changing the rules in mid-air. Yet again. No, I'm not referring to the shocking format change of pairing-up the final four for duets, although I have my thoughts about that. The crime committed by the producers of the show has been so prevalent throughout 8 seasons that it befuddles me how they've gotten away with it for so long.

First, the order of the final four contestants, combined with interspersed duets (one by Danny and Kris, one by Adam and Allison) seemed as crooked as a three dollar bill. In case you were off-planet last week and missed the big shocker, Adam Lambert, rocker extraordinaire, found himself in the bottom two, in what arguably was the biggest surprise in the mega show's eight year run. The looks on the judge's faces said it all. Whaaaaa? I was shocked, too. But I think the order of last night's performances shocked me more.

In the past, Ryan Seacrest has occasionally mentioned the show's 'rules,' but I don't imagine the accounting firm of Price Waterhouse Coopers has a briefcase handcuffed to someone's hand somewhere. Having seen nearly every episode of American Idol over eight seasons, I imagine the rules to be more inline with Drew Carey and a great big glitzy wheel. Oh yeah, and Idol producers pushing a button where they want the ShowCase wheel to stop.

In case you didn't see it, Adam Lambert came out first, performing Led Zeppelin's 'Whole Lotta Love.' The way the judges oozed all over his performance was embarrassing. Kara DioGuardi's uncomfortable gushing had me reaching for the remote, but mercifully, her repeated shouting of Yes!' ended (but not until she managed to extoll that Lambert is a 'rock god').

Next came Allison Iraheta, who was in fine form as she rocked out Janis Joplin's 'Cry Baby.' Why, oh why, was I able to predict that the judges wouldn't like her performance? If there was any doubt, that sad and tired cliche from Randy confirmed it when he started his critique with a sigh, saying, 'Y'know, dog...' You can fill in the blanks, for that's what they were. Blanks.

Duet Number One - Danny Gokey and Kris Allen performing Styx's 'Renegade' - was super, but I was a little put-off by the break in performances. It seemed awfully pat that the producers wouldn't have the final four contestants each perform solo first, and then have the duets. But I'm giving away the ending. Even though the two finalists rocked it out, the judges were predictably unmoved by Kris, and they managed to provide a few kudos to Danny. In the one thing Jackson, DioGuardi, Abdul, Cowell and I agreed upon, they did love the harmonies.

When Kris Allen came right back and performed the Beatles' 'Come Together,' I cringed a bit. I didn't think it was the right song for the teen heartthrob, and yes, the judges agreed with me again. But things were starting to get a little strange. Especially considering last week's outcome, the order of the singers was beginning to feel awfully contrived. The judges' comments were clearly biased towards last week's shocking bottom two finalist Adam Lambert. I was beginning to hear the voices again. The voices of the show's producers, who value the almighty dollar over everything else. Something wasn't right.

I was thrilled when Danny Gokey performed Aerosmith's 'Dream On.' Perfect song for the gravelly-voiced Gokey, and even though that note at the end challenged even Steven Tyler, I felt Gokey could do it. Surprise, surprise, the judges were lukewarm at best. If Tyler himself had come out and performed the song, I think the results would have been the same. Randy Jackson sighed and used 'dog' gratuitously; Kara DioGuardi was intolerable; Paula Abdul was her typically nonsensical self with halted speech and indiscernable comments about Gokey; and Simon Cowell? Well, he just said it all. 'You'll still be safe tomorrow.' Yes! There it was. The final clue I'd been looking for. Typically, Simon promising that someone will be safe marks their untimely departure from the show. If I had a chalkboard and a better understanding of Chaos Theory, I'd explain it to you. But his placement of the comment was not only suspicious, it was deliberate.

The producers had spoken, and if there was any doubt, the bookend of the show was Adam Lambert (remember him? The guy everyone said would be in the final two and win it all? The guy who was nearly eliminated last week?) If the producers had their way, Lambert would have been performing a duet alone, providing both parts of the harmony. But they stomped their feet and grudgingly allowed Allison Iraheta on stage while the two performed Foghat's 'Slow Ride.' Monotonous and eponymous, the song choice - or the performances for that matter - didn't matter. The judges gushed like the Old Faithful they were meant to be. No way they were going to let Adam Lambert go early. No way, no how.

I like Adam Lambert. What I don't like is being made the fool, and over eight seasons, that's just what the producers of American Idol have managed to do. Making fools of the viewers and voters. Changing rules arbitrarily. Being obvious in who they think should be in the finals. If you doubt me, look at Jennifer Hudson. Believe me, they don't want another embarrassment like that.

Tonight, we may very well see Danny Gokey go, although I personally believe it will be Kris Allen. Allison and Adam are most likely safe. It's true that at this point in the competition, talented singers are going to have to go. But after last night's travesty, it may very well mean the wrong talented singer will go. Frankly, my interest is already waning, like the show's luster. Last night, my fiancee reminded me that the only reason she watches the show is because I want to, and that she lost interest a long time ago. I wonder how many other people have gotten wise to the show's bias?

I truly believe this may be my last season watching American Idol. Don't gasp. I'm not. It's more like a slow, painful wheeze.