As if I'm some sort of reincarnated Oracle from ancient Delphic Greece, no sooner had I posted 'They ruined it for me: Hollywood bad boys or just jerks?' than Kiefer Sutherland received my telepathic message. Answering the call to foolishness, his recent head-butting extravaganza is the stuff legends are made of.For those of you who are too engrossed in my writing to click the link above, here's a quick recap. Sutherland, the star of the Fox megahit 24 and countless Hollywood ditties - although I can't think of any memorable recent ones - is fresh off a DUI conviction in Los Angeles last year, for which he served 48 days in a California jail. The intrepid Jack Bauer lookalike is on the front end of five years' probation for the offense, so it would make sense for him not to rock the boat by shooting up a New York street or beat up on thoughtless fashion designers, even if it is to save the free world from terrorist threats. With me so far?
But when the President - or, in this case, Brooke Shields - is endangered, SutherBauer must listen to the call of his instincts, even if they're really, really bad instincts. Earlier this week, Sutherland attended a party, following an annual costume gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Enter fashion designer Jack McCollough, who apparently bumped into the lovely Ms. Shields and didn't have the decency to apologize. Can you hear 24's eerie and impending dee-dee! dee-dee! dee-dee!? I can. So did JacKiefer, whose mind must've been on the filiming of 24 earlier in the day and (I like to imagine) thought he really was Jack Bauer.
So what does he do? Get the careless McCollough in a full-nelson and escort him to the door? No, that would be too cliché. Draw his fake Glock 19 on the rude designer and point him toward the exit with the plugged barrel? Admonish him with his gravelly Jack Bauer voice?
Nah. C'mon! This stuff writes itself! He HEAD BUTTED him!
I could stop right there and my work would be done; but it goes without saying that Kiefer's incredibly thick skull impacting with Mr. McCollough's head caused the fashion designer to bleed. Duh.
It goes without saying that Mr. Sutherland is in a world of trouble (real world, not the 24 world where the President would already be on the phone demanding his release). An assault charge is a serious violation of his five year probation, so we must wonder what's in store for Sutherland, the show, and the state of a world without Jack Bauer in it.
This one hits a little close to home, since Kiefer's father, the arguably more successful Donald Sutherland, is a native of Nova Scotia, and so am I. We Bluenosers are world-renowned for our friendliness, our hospitality and, like all Canadians, our banal personalities. This is, of course, a myth, but it's fun to keep a low profile, 'cause that way they don't see you coming.
Now it's not just the Nova Scotia connection that has me thinking about this. In 1980, I met Daniel Petrie, the late Hollywood director who made some interesting films, including Buster and Billie, Fort Apache the Bronx and a movie called The Bay Boy, Kiefer Sutherland's second film. Danny Petrie was my father's childhood friend and when we went to his home in Hollywood in 1980, he showed us a script for The Bay Boy, which is based on actual events from their childhood in Glace Bay, Nova Scotia.
The main character, Donald Campbell, was loosely inspired by my father and the character Kiefer Sutherland played in the film. Of course, at that time he was a relative unknown and simply the son of Donald Sutherland.
Kudos to him for having an impressive career that stands apart from his familial connection. But shame on him for becoming a Hollywood cliché, like the aforementioned Tom Cruise and Christian Bale. Maybe if he hadn't had the DUI and a host of oft-rumored character flaws, his act on Monday night might come off as being valiant and chivalrous, but here's the uncomfortable truth.
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