Tit for Tat...or something like that

Okay, since I reported yesterday that my fiancée watches American Idol because I do, it's only fair to mention that my reciprocity is to tolerate The CW's America's Next Top Model, or as I like to call it, The Tyra Banks Show II. Tit for tat, right? Well, after watching several seasons (or cycles, as our fun-loving supermodel likes to call them), I have to confess that I'm into the show. It has a certain kitsch to it that reminds me of a fifty car pileup I saw once. The idea of young, talentless women – most who, at some point in the cycle, tearfully state that this is their only chance for a life – strutting their stuff and morphing into fashionistas is…compelling. There, I said it.

It's almost the antithesis of American Idol! On Idol, contestants don't have to look good (but it helps). What they do have to have is TALENT. On Top Model, you could be a talentless seventeen year old with a supremely bad attitude. As long as you look good (or can be made to look good, by virtue of multiple makeovers and the miracle of Photoshop), then you, too have a shot at becoming a glam girl with a jetsetting lifestyle and a lifetime supply of Ipecac.

To be fair, some of the girls are really sweet, and a few of them even seem to have a brain in their head. But it seems that these ones get ousted early, at the behest of regular judges Banks, former supermodel Paulina Porizkova, all-man fashion photog Nigel Barker and all-something 'Miss' J. Alexander (a dude, for those of you who don't watch the show, but I use the term loosely and so does he). What's left (in the case of last night, where the current cycle narrowed it to the top three) is a dubious collection of people with questionable virtues and a shot at becoming the next face of Cover Girl Cosmetics. One in particular – Teyona – talks like she should be hooking on the streets of New York, but they're not there to talk, right>?

I guess this show leaves me wanting to watch the ambulances roll-up, in anticipation of the bodies to be carted off at the end of each episode. That's something, right? But the young woman who was ejected in last night's episode was criticized – at several points in the show – for being too old. 26 is too old.

Huh? I understand that the fashion biz gets 'em young and after having its way with them, leaves 'em for dead before crow's feet creep in; but seriously? I think this show derailed from the moment it began, by pandering to all the things that are wrong about the fashion industry. You have to be a certain height, a certain look. That paradigm is as old as the fashion industry. But recent trends have highlighted the problems with anorexia and other evils of modeling (Google Naomi Campbell). If Tyra is to be a pioneer – and rule the world in the process – then I'd like to see more emphasis on things like inner beauty, personality, and breaking the mold.

Now, to give Tyra credit, last year's winner was a 'plus model,' which basically means she was normal sized. Good for Tyra. Recently, a ridiculous riot occurred during auditions for the next cycle; apparently, the auditions were for wannabe models shorter than 5'7". Good for her. Last year's cycle had a finalist who was socially uncomfortable due to her asperger's; and this year's cycle had a finalist who was a burn victim. Great. But I'm a cynical person, so to me these seem like acts of political correctness.

And they still don't address the ever-important inner beauty issue, which is crucial for those impressionable young people who aspire to follow in the impressive footsteps of Tyra Banks.

When looking at 50 car pileups, it may be difficult to look away. But that doesn't make them pretty.